Pre-Christmas Festivities

 Ashton and Tanner had school break start on December 18th. But Tanner was sick so stayed home the 16th and 18th from preschool. We spent the first weekend recovering from colds. Tanner and Gemma got it from somewhere and were pretty miserable that weekend. Lydia started getting it too, which wasn't fun. Joseph, Ashton, and I seemed to have fared the best so far.

Ashton held a virtual piano recital for friends and family. She was able to perform five pieces and loved it! My sister sent flowers for her and she loved it.

 

The kids made cut out cookies and decorated them. I let them take the lead here. We did all sorts of cookie shapes. And used up a bunch of sprinkles I had from years ago. I think more frosting ended up in Gemma than on her cookies but that is what Christmas is for.

We watched the BYU bowl game.

Our neighborhood hid a bunch of Christmas elves along our nature/walking trail so we ventured out to find them. The kids loved it and it made us realize that they would probably like hiking a lot more if we did something similar.

We decorated gingerbread houses. This year, I skipped buying a kit and let the kids do it with graham crackers. It went alright. I think they prefer the kit.

The kids also went swimming in a neighbor's pool. Crazy kids! But at the time, it is so nice to be able to visit parks and be outside at Christmas.

11 months old

 Lydia is officially eleven months old now! That means next month, she turns one. Ahh!!! I think back to a year ago and how I was secretly hoping for a December baby (as long as she came healthy) but now, I'm grateful we have more time between Christmas and the next round of birthdays. Her timing with her birth was just right.

Weight: It was 28+ pounds. Lydia is pretty sick so we took her into the doctor last week. However, she lost nearly a pound since that appointment. When I took her back in today, she was down to 27 and some.

Height: I think the height last week was around 30 inches.

Clothing Size: Still in 24 months/2T. Pants are long but onesies and shirts fit well. I am hoping she slims down some when she starts walking.

Daily Schedule: Normally, Lydia is still taking two naps a day and is up around 8am and goes to bed after the big kids, around 8:30pm. This last week has been a disaster due to illness. I am looking forward to going back to her nice schedule.

Special Outings: She ventured out to a store I think. Still hates it. She picks up Ashton from school with me occasionally and loves riding in the stroller. She does not love the people at the school who stare at her and try to make her smile.

Firsts: Two more teeth popping through. She stands unassisted for quite some time now. Still refuses to take a step. Maybe that will be her Christmas present to me. She did sleep through the night recently but I think that had more to do with extreme exhaustion from sickness than actual sleeping through the night.

Eating: Four bottles a day plus night bottle. Except for right now when she barely finishes a bottle or two a day. She still doesn't love solids. She has enjoyed cheese and goldfish crackers. Celery is a favorite for teething. She'll try anything but doesn't really chow down on food. She did like Swedish meatballs the other day.

Monthly Pictures: 

Bathtime is a fave for this girl. Really, anything with water. So River's water dish, a puddle, etc.

Her favorite activity- dump over the recycling bin. I don't recall the others doing this but I could also be forgetting.

Genetics

 I wish we could pick and choose what gets passed down from one generation to the next. Although, would we try to hide our children from our struggles or would we recognize that our trials help shape and mold us?

Mental health issues run rampant in my family. My mom had bouts of anxiety and depression when I was a child. This was primarily related to life as a single mom with a ex-husband/father who wasn't physically and financially present. She went through rounds of hives and other physical signs of underlying anxiety. My sister dealt with some issues in high school and college. And I, of course, had depression in late high school, some college, and some postpartum. After having Lydia, it wasn't so much as depression but more anxiety. How could I possibly get four kids up and ready in the morning? How could I stay home ALL DAY with them when the pandemic hit? How could I survive?

 Unfortunately, Ashton exhibits similar behaviors that I did as a child. I always laugh at the birth order statistics/studies of personalities. I almost always identify as the oldest child in those lists/descriptions. I was the over-achiever, rule-follower child. And so is Ashton. She is okay to make mistakes in some areas. She acknowledges that. But if she makes a mistake and knows it upsets me, Ashton has a difficult time. Tonight was one example. I gave an instruction, she chose to lie to me about something, and then the consequence came. Ashton immediately goes into the "I'm sorry" stage and feels remorse. I don't think she is as bothered by the actual sad choice as she is about how that sad choice impacts others (mostly me).

 We've seen this pop up a little bit in school but it mostly isolated to home. Thankfully! It also does not interfere with her activities of daily living or her family and peer relationships beyond reason. Even if we went to a doctor about this, I wouldn't want medication. But I've spent many nights researching and learning about anxiety. At this point, I feel more driven to find coping mechanisms for me as I hope they will also help Ashton.

Some ideas I have so far:

- Yoga/Mindfulness. I know some families use Cosmic Kids but I don't want to introduce screentime for this. To me, screens off set any relaxation that would be happening. I have some ideas of cards/pictures to use as we learn it together. I think both of us would really enjoy some yoga.

- Listening to music in the home. After/during her meltdown tonight, we were in the van and I turned on Scripture Power. She began to sing and told me later that she started to feel happy. She has a CD player in her room with a few CDs and this was intentionally done for her to help calm down. I need to remember to use it more but also to play music around the house sometimes (on my phone to avoid screens).

- Weighted blanket. I've considered this for a while. Actually, Lydia has a weighted sleepsack because she liked the pressure of my hand but I can't stand there all night. Lydia has done decent with it. Weighted blankets seem expensive but Ashton does enjoy the physical touch/closeness when she is upset. Most of the time, I am able to sit with her so I am not sure this is necessary/helpful.

- You are special book. This is an idea that came to me tonight. I think Ashton struggles to see the difference between bad choices and bad people. If she makes a bad choice, her mind equates that to a bad person. Interestingly, she doesn't believe this about other people; only herself. Tonight, I tried to remind her that I may not love a choice she made but I will always love her. Some positive words of affirmation or reminders may go a long way for her, especially since she can read.

I'm sure this list will grow and morph. I really think Ashton will struggle with anxiety tendencies throughout her life. It is a part of her. And those tendencies also make her a wonderful and thoughtful person. The challenge I have and she has is how to manage those tendencies.

Lydia is 10 Months Old

 

Weight: Probably around 26-27 lbs. I don't think she's gained much this month.

Height: 28-29 inches probably

Clothing Size: I actually moved her up to 24 month/2T clothes. This is so sad. Tanner still has some shorts that are 2T and they fit. Gemma wears 3T but fits into Lydia's dresses still. But I was done dealing with tight fits. As she grows taller and slims out, it wouldn't shock me if she wears some 18 month again but for now, we're sticking to 24 month.

Daily Schedule: Continuation of last month. Two naps a day at 1.5 hours each. Wakes up once a night to eat a little bit. She goes to bed after the big kids, so around 8:30/9 and wakes up between 8-9am.

Special Outings: Lydia came to a couple stores with me and is terrified. She hates grocery carts, masks, other people, etc. She will stay calm as long as I hold her.

Firsts: She now has five teeth. She has stood independent for a few seconds but no desire to walk or stand on her own. She is very content crawling.

Eating: Three to four bottles plus whatever food I give her. She loves peas and corn on the cob. Celery and carrots too. Peaches are a fave. Lydia does not like oranges or cantaloupe. She still isn't a huge fan of solid food but it will come.

Monthly Pictures: 

Broken Tea Set

 Growing up, my grandmother had a little tea set with two dolls and a little table. It was set up at her home throughout my childhood. Being the youngest grandchild, it was always out since she didn't have to worry about younger kids breaking it. I loved playing with it and have fond memories of her house.

When my parents visited us after Gemma was born (and the year my grandma Ashton passed away), she brought the table, tea set, and dolls. I had it set up for Ashton in our spare bedroom so the little kids couldn't get to it. But as Gemma got older and the room was open more often, I knew it wouldn't last. I put it back in storage.

Unbeknownst to me, Ashton found that storage spot and had moved the pieces to a high shelf in her room. Earlier this week, she decided to spend some quiet time in her room and take the tea set down. She played with it and then left it on the floor. I did not go in her room that day.

At bathtime, Gemma went in there and found it. She wanted to bring it in the bath with her so gathered the pieces up and carried them to the bathroom. Well, Gemma is a typical two year old and tripped. The pieces fell to the tile floor and broke.

Ashton was devastated. And so was I. Here were a few pieces of my grandmother's tea set shattered. It was difficult to set aside my emotional feelings when talking to Ashton about this. She was just as sad as I was. She knew the importance and special-ness of them.

Once she calmed down, she gathered the larger pieces and put them in a pile. She asked if I could fix it. I couldn't give her a confident answer but said I'd try my best. She went off to bed and I went off to superglue land.

I was actually able to repair two of the pieces pretty well. Don't get me wrong, they're not perfect. But they can be added back to the tea set. Ashton's smile the next morning was full of joy when she saw them.

As I thought back on this event, I saw a little bit into how Heavenly Father feels when we come to Him and ask "Can you fix this/me?" Often with tears, much like Ashton did. The difference is He can fix it with confidence. We don't go back to the exact same way, we actually grow stronger and better. We aren't perfect but we're closer to perfection. He molds us and strengthens us.

I recall several nights during my battle with depression of pleading to Him to fix me. I wanted the depression lifted from me and wanted to just feel happy again. While the depression did not dissipate overnight, I always felt His love for me. I know I experienced that trial for a reason. Perhaps my own child will face depression or another loved one. This week, I learned of a ward member who is dealing with mental health issues and stayed in a psychiatric hospital. From my own experience of those places, I was able to reach out and love her. While I wanted Heavenly Father to fix me instantly, the trial with depression made me stronger. It made me want to have a family. It made me want to try better and do better.

Lydia is 9 months old

 No lack of rolls on this one

Weight: Weighing in at a whopping 26 pounds! Yikes! She beats out her siblings at this age. She is one happy, big girl.

Height: 28 inches and some.

Clothing Size: Still 18 month size. Pants are tight and hard to crawl in so she doesn't wear much for pants. Onesies work perfectly!

Daily Schedule: I think it is safe to say we have transitioned to two naps a day. Very rarely will she sneak in a third nap and only if she naps on me. She wakes up around 8ish but she talks to herself in the crib for a long time so I really don't know when she wakes up. She takes a mid-morning nap and then another one in the late afternoon around 2:30ish. Most days, both naps are 1.5 hours or more. Then, she heads to bed after the big kids go to bed. She is up once a night still but eating less so that's promising. Still on four bottles a day.

Special Outings: We ventured out more this past month with Tanner having school now and a few other events. But not too much.

Firsts: She can successfully climb stairs but has been unsuccessful in climbing DOWN the stairs.

Eating: Four bottles plus whatever food I give her. She loves peas and corn on the cob. Celery and carrots too. Peaches are a fave. She still does okay with baby purees but I am tired of buying baby food so I pretty much stick to table foods.

Monthly Pictures: 

These two have a close connection. I thought Lydia was a boy during the first half of the pregnancy and was surprised to find out it was a girl. I worried about Tanner connecting with a sibling. Lydia and him are besties. Tanner is the one who can make Lydia laugh and smile so much. They get each other and seem to speak their own language.

Trying to join the big kids at the tea party.

Ahh!!! This little stair stepper has caused a few run across the house to catch her from falling.

Tanner started preschool

 It was finally Tanner's day! He couldn't wait to go to school this fall. He had a great first day (and second day as I write this). We had some last-minute changes to his school, which worked out in the end.

Ashton went to a preschool at a church that was recommended to us by a mom in the ward. We moved the summer prior to Ashton doing preschool so we went off a recommendation. We loved it! However, the church a few blocks from us also does preschool. I decided we would enroll Tanner there to avoid driving 10 minutes one way to Ashton's old school.

Then COVID happened. The new school decided to make some rules that didn't quite make me happy. Nothing super strict or odd, but little things like no backpacks, kids have to stay in their rooms all day (except outside time). When we toured it, one of the first things I noticed was how small the rooms were in comparison to Ashton's preschool. Knowing all of this and knowing Tanner, I knew he wouldn't thrive there. Plus, they had outside check in so I'd never "see" his teacher.

When these requirements were released, I quickly called Ashton's old school to see what they were doing. Backpacks were allowed, room movements were allowed, they were already installing large shade covers over the playgrounds so even during rainy days, the kids could still get outside. And then I asked, "who would be the MWF teacher?" The director named the person and I said, "What?!?" Ashton's two teachers had retired at the end of her year. The new 4s teacher, the sister from our ward who works at the preschool! Knowing that I could call/text his teacher and she knew us well from church meant so much. Even though Tanner didn't remember her very much, I knew it would be helpful. 

So we're back to driving 10 minutes one way three times a week. But Tanner had a blast and I am grateful we can pull it off. I don't know what I'll do for Gemma and Lydia. The local church is definitely a convenient location but going with what you've done before is nice too. We shall see.

Yes, shoes on the wrong feet. The kids change into school shoes once they're inside the building so he wears these to school. That's an odd rule that I haven't heard of other places but I don't mind it. It's one less pair of shoes for me to keep track of.