Genetics

 I wish we could pick and choose what gets passed down from one generation to the next. Although, would we try to hide our children from our struggles or would we recognize that our trials help shape and mold us?

Mental health issues run rampant in my family. My mom had bouts of anxiety and depression when I was a child. This was primarily related to life as a single mom with a ex-husband/father who wasn't physically and financially present. She went through rounds of hives and other physical signs of underlying anxiety. My sister dealt with some issues in high school and college. And I, of course, had depression in late high school, some college, and some postpartum. After having Lydia, it wasn't so much as depression but more anxiety. How could I possibly get four kids up and ready in the morning? How could I stay home ALL DAY with them when the pandemic hit? How could I survive?

 Unfortunately, Ashton exhibits similar behaviors that I did as a child. I always laugh at the birth order statistics/studies of personalities. I almost always identify as the oldest child in those lists/descriptions. I was the over-achiever, rule-follower child. And so is Ashton. She is okay to make mistakes in some areas. She acknowledges that. But if she makes a mistake and knows it upsets me, Ashton has a difficult time. Tonight was one example. I gave an instruction, she chose to lie to me about something, and then the consequence came. Ashton immediately goes into the "I'm sorry" stage and feels remorse. I don't think she is as bothered by the actual sad choice as she is about how that sad choice impacts others (mostly me).

 We've seen this pop up a little bit in school but it mostly isolated to home. Thankfully! It also does not interfere with her activities of daily living or her family and peer relationships beyond reason. Even if we went to a doctor about this, I wouldn't want medication. But I've spent many nights researching and learning about anxiety. At this point, I feel more driven to find coping mechanisms for me as I hope they will also help Ashton.

Some ideas I have so far:

- Yoga/Mindfulness. I know some families use Cosmic Kids but I don't want to introduce screentime for this. To me, screens off set any relaxation that would be happening. I have some ideas of cards/pictures to use as we learn it together. I think both of us would really enjoy some yoga.

- Listening to music in the home. After/during her meltdown tonight, we were in the van and I turned on Scripture Power. She began to sing and told me later that she started to feel happy. She has a CD player in her room with a few CDs and this was intentionally done for her to help calm down. I need to remember to use it more but also to play music around the house sometimes (on my phone to avoid screens).

- Weighted blanket. I've considered this for a while. Actually, Lydia has a weighted sleepsack because she liked the pressure of my hand but I can't stand there all night. Lydia has done decent with it. Weighted blankets seem expensive but Ashton does enjoy the physical touch/closeness when she is upset. Most of the time, I am able to sit with her so I am not sure this is necessary/helpful.

- You are special book. This is an idea that came to me tonight. I think Ashton struggles to see the difference between bad choices and bad people. If she makes a bad choice, her mind equates that to a bad person. Interestingly, she doesn't believe this about other people; only herself. Tonight, I tried to remind her that I may not love a choice she made but I will always love her. Some positive words of affirmation or reminders may go a long way for her, especially since she can read.

I'm sure this list will grow and morph. I really think Ashton will struggle with anxiety tendencies throughout her life. It is a part of her. And those tendencies also make her a wonderful and thoughtful person. The challenge I have and she has is how to manage those tendencies.