I doubt I will need this information anytime soon. But just in case one of our children does in the future or a friend, I can have it all written down.
I'll start by being frank. I do not enjoy breastfeeding. I chose to breastfeed Ashton as I knew the benefits of it. Honestly, the biggest benefit for me was the lower risk of breast cancer. My grandma had breast cancer twice and my cousin died of breast cancer at 30 years old. I wanted to lower my chances of it. Breastfeeding quickly lost its thrill once I realized I was the only one to help soothe and feed my kids. The oldest three kids never took a bottle much despite my attempts. It became more stress of them refusing than it was to just breastfeed them. I gave in each time and succumbed to the fact that I'd be around my kids 24/7 (pretty much) until they were 12 months old.
My experience with breastfeeding Tanner was a little better as I knew what to expect. I had low expectations of the next year. I lucked out with him as I weaned him a few weeks shy of 12 months. I went on a trip right before his birthday and he stayed home. He weaned just fine and transitioned to whole milk well.
Between Tanner and Gemma, a family moved into our ward in Lake Jackson. She had twins and had pumped exclusively for them. I was very intrigued by this. Soon after, we were pregnant with Gemma and I thought a lot about pumping for her. I ordered the nicest pump I could through our insurance, got used bottles from someone in our ward, etc. I researched pumping schedules and what to do. I planned to nurse Gemma for a few days/weeks until my milk came in and then switch to pumping. Well, Gemma was born and soon after, we found out about her heart. I couldn't bring myself to bottle feed her. I thought, "if she has surgery, I can at least soothe her by nursing." The mom guilt increased drastically with my child with a heart defect. I chose to continue nursing. Gemma was a little like Ashton. She was very attached to me. I weaned her just past a year old and she was still very attached. But it subsided and she got over it. She switched to milk well also.
Then comes Lydia. I decided ahead of time that I'd be nursing her. I knew she was most likely our last child and I could "suck it up" for 12 months to nurse her. In some ways, breastfeeding is convenient and I was going to relish in the convenience aspects of it. Also, having four kids, I was looking forward to being "stuck" at home with Lydia and sending Joseph out with the older kids.
Lydia was born and latched after a little bit of work. She seemed to nurse well in the hospital. She weighed 9 lbs 3 oz at birth and was discharged at 8 pounds 12 ounces. While she had lost a little, it seemed to already be increasing. Her blood sugar levels looked good. We assumed nursing was going well.
At home, Lydia was a hard baby. I spent several nights with her on my chest in a chair as that was the only place she would sleep. Many tears were shed at the thought of having a colicky baby. I never thought she wasn't getting enough breastmilk. She seemed to latch fine and nursed enough times per day. Joseph commented several times that she was either sleeping or eating with no alert periods. I said she was probably just a sleepy newborn.
At her two week doctor appointment, she was down to eight pounds. This alarmed the pediatrician who recommended a lactation consultant. This appointment was on a Friday and I was able to get a consultant for a home visit the next Monday. We did a weighted feeding and found out Lydia transferred no milk after nursing for about 30 minutes. The consultant tried some position changes and noticed Lydia just wasn't getting the right latch and seal. She recommended I pump some milk to at least give Lydia something and then we would try nursing again. I went to pump and was shocked that I barely had any milk. With my others, I always dealt with drastic oversupply. To barely produce an ounce surprised me. We ended up learning that Lydia wasn't transferring much milk for two weeks and therefore, my body stopped producing. We gave Lydia what little milk I could pump and she scarfed it down so quickly. Thankfully, we had some formula samples still around so we could feed her until my body caught back up. It was a shock at how much Lydia changed with just one feeding. She went from a fussy, sleepy, irritable baby to so calm and still. I still feel immense guilt over her starving for so long and me not realizing it.
For a week, we tried nursing and then bottle feeding. Between those I would try to pump to increase my supply. Despite my supply increasing, Lydia still wasn't latching well. The following week, the consultant came back. She was fairly certain Lydia had a tongue and/or lip tie and instructed us to go see a dentist. We got Lydia into our pediatric dentist the same day. After her exam, she said Lydia had a lip tie and a tongue tie. But before the dentist would clip it, we had to go see a chiropractor. Of course the chiropractor part of our insurance is only for people over the age of four. So we would have to pay out of pocket for it. The chiropractor said typical newborns take 6-8 sessions before they sign off on the clip. And at $200/session, that was out of the question. This also meant I spent three days calling our insurance and talking to this and that person to figure out our benefits exactly. It was such a headache.
Meanwhile, I continued to pump for Lydia and had actually stopped trying to nurse her. She took to a bottle well and I saw how nice it was to leave her with Joseph for 30 minutes to go pick up Ashton from school or another errand. I wasn't going to spend what little time I had to be the big kids on just trying to nurse Lydia. It became easier to skip that step.
I did quite a bit of research on lip/tongue ties. I consulted with my sister who is a speech therapist and professor at a university. Her colleague specializes in pediatric oral development. After discussing it with my sister and her colleague, their opinion was to hold off on the clip/release. If the ties caused speech development issues later, then we could address them. However, if the baby was taking to a bottle okay then why put Lydia through the pain/ordeal of clipping. Lydia gained weight quickly once we switched to bottles so it no longer was a detriment to her health. Our pediatrician recommended waiting as well. Lydia also has a shallow roof of her mouth. This would not change even if we clipped the ties. With that oral restriction, there was no guarantee that she would nurse even after the procedure. Our dentist also wanted to clip the lip tie only to see if that worked and if not, then come back for the tongue tie. So that meant possibly two painful procedures for my 4 week old baby.
With all of this lasting for two weeks and constantly calling the next person for another opinion, I felt I needed to stop. It was taking too much of my energy to chase after the medical opinions. I felt strongly that I would continue to pump for Lydia and instead spend my time with my family. Joseph was just about to start a big work project at this time and I knew I couldn't keep up with medical appointments and the kids plus pumping and nursing.
The recommendation for exclusively pumping is to pump at least eight times per day for the first 12 weeks. At roughly 12 weeks, most mothers have their supply regulate. Most days, I fit in seven pumping sessions. I produced about 60 ounces/day until Lydia was about 10 weeks old. I filled our deep freezer and then found out Lydia didn't love frozen breastmilk. She drank it but seemed super fussy with it. I found a local mom in another ward who needed breastmilk to supplement for her infant. I cut back to 5 sessions a day around 12 weeks and still do that now. I lost about 10 ounces so I produce about 50ish ounces/day. Lydia drinks about 30 ounces and I freeze the rest for the mom.
I plan to keep pumping until about 9-10 months and hope that Lydia takes a freezer stash then. By that point, the other mom will not need breastmilk anymore. I could potentially freeze extra and be done with pumping. We will see. I am okay pumping until 12 months.
I really do like pumping and bottle feeding. I like not having to stress about what time an appointment is for me. With all this COVID stuff, I had a few postpartum appointments pushed back and it is nice to be free to schedule them anytime. I love that Joseph can feed Lydia so I can play with the big kids. I still wake up at night and do all that but Joseph handles work and the morning "shift" so it's all good. If we were to ever have another kid, I think I'd do it again. We'll see, I'm only at 3.5 months right now. It could change in a month or two. So far, I don't complain nearly as much as I did when I was breastfeeding. So that's a win.
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