"You are a strong woman"

"You are a strong woman"

Those words were said to me today in passing. I ventured out to the Houston Zoo today with Tanner and Gemma. The zoo hosts free days once a month. We dropped our membership a while back and haven't really missed it. The free days used to be from noon-5, which didn't work with school pick up at 3pm. But now, they do the entire day as free. So we took Ashton to school and left for the zoo. Yes, I am 38 weeks pregnant but I figured I'd either walk and enjoy the zoo or go to the YMCA and walk. There wasn't much difference on my side of things as the mom. Either way, I still have two kids to chase around during the day.

This mother who made the comment was at a playground with her daughter, who was about Tanner's age. She kept remarking how brave and strong I was to take my kids to the zoo with my due date being so soon. I joked that the zoo is right next to the medical center so if something went awry, I was covered.

The last few days/weeks of this pregnancy have brought out some comments by others that have made me feel less as a mother. A older female neighbor saw me yesterday and said, "so was this planned? You know how this happens so now you can make it stop happening." Lots of moms at Ashton's school pick up keep commenting how brave I am to walk to Ashton's school for pick up as opposed to the car line and how crazy I am to consider having four kids. And of course, the typical phrase I get a lot, "You sure have your hands full."

On the way home from the zoo today with two sleeping children in the back, I listened to General Conference talks. One of my favorites is Elder Holland's "Because she is a mother" talk. He shares how truly wonderful it is to welcome children into the world. While it is completely exhausting: physically, mentally (do the 103,394 questions per day ever stop?), and spiritually, as Elder Holland says, "It is worth it then, now, and forever."

While welcoming our fourth child any day now seems daunting at times, I also know we are doing the Lord's work. We are helping to bring to pass immortality and eternal life. I cannot imagine being any more exhausted than I currently am, I know the long nights and long days are worth it. I know that having an eternal family is the best achievement/goal/source of joy. Growing up in a family that would be defined as "broken" and troublesome, I know what the alternative is. I know what divorce does to kids. I know what abuse and neglect do to families. I know the irreparable damage that comes from addictions. I also know the joy that comes when your family is gathered and reads the scriptures together. I know the happiness that you feel when your daughter sings a solo in Church and feels the spirit. I have seen the other side of family life. And I know what I have sacrificed to have children and raise them in the gospel is worth every moment of lost sleep, lost brain cells, and lost dreams.

Until I met Joseph, I never imagined myself getting married and having children. I saw myself working hard at a job that I loved, living in some nice apartment, and having time for myself. And now, I cannot imagine life without sticky hands and sticky faces, without endless child smiles and laughs, without game nights and hours spent reading books and playing with toys.

Now if baby girl could hurry up and make her debut, I would really love to be done with maternity clothes and waddling around the house.